I wake up each morning, wonder what the heck I'm doing this for.
There's no meaning to it.  It's just the same thing, everyday.
A scramble to meet the human efficiency quota.
    Capitalism--making sure every human has a measurable financial output.  And if not, your only escape is homelessness, or death.
                                  There is no other option.  No alternative lifestyle.  This is it.
Gotta count prison out.  It now has is its own capitalist rewards. For the prisoners and the prison system.

Money has tainted the world.  It truly is the root of all evil.  I see it now.  There are places fish no longer swim because the waters have been fished out.  We no longer have a variety of foods to eat, because the main corporations have selected a few key food crops to produce.  Streamlining productions make sense, but is not practical to the health of the world at large.

I abhor the system and yet, have to attend the university, to survive.  but due to circumstances beyond my control, I flunked a couple of semesters, and now I am on academic suspension.

I don't want to do this anymore.  This game is too harsh.  People say, no, it's easy.  But for me.... it's never been easy.  I wasn't born to easy people, nor adopted by easy people.  I didn't make adult decisions easily.  I didn't marry easy.  I did, however, divorce easily.  There is one area that is significantly easy....and that is being a mom.  Loving my son is the easiest thing I have ever done.  He warms my heart. 

The system of survival we have now, doesn't have moments of grace for the sick, the weak, or the ill.  If you have depression, well, sucks to suck. If you have cancer, sucks to suck.  If you have a lower than average i.q.....

 I can't tell you how many times I have allowed my emotions to run amok.

My anxiety over my last employment situation has caused me to procrastinate.  bleh.  I am ready to
to move on.

The older I get, the more I hate rejection.

I really really wish I wasn't just wandering around with no clue.  If I had a clue, things might be easier.  But I have no idea. It's like I'm supposed to know what I want.  And I don't know.  I want some little things, security, not to be homeless, happiness.  I thought this was a good idea, but I have no idea where to go from here.  What do I do?
So protip from a life-long wanderer;  Don't squander today.  Get help if you feel you are drowning.  The anxiety is hard.  The anxiety from exposure is even tougher to push past. Please, find someone who can hold your hand while you take the next step.  Someone will.  All it takes is one person.  Even just saying they will.
If I could imagine telling someone that a good reason to not date me, if I were dating, it would be that I have no direction. It's as if I'm just treading water, infinitely.  People pass me by, I smile, I'm nice, I help when I can.  But really, it's all going nowhere.  And for what?  I am just putting one foot in front of the other.