My existence is my resistance

And here's my whole new level of understanding.
*deep sigh*

I was telling a friend that I had messed up on a couple of resumes but I was justifying it by saying the law of averages means those particular resumes will go into the 'never had a chance' pile, clearing the way for my fixed resume to have a chance at these other jobs.

I tell myself things like, "I didn't really deserve the job if I'm willing to send them a botched resume."

Which is not untrue, but why am I telling myself this? Clearly, since I didn't take the time to send them information in a respectful manner, I don't deserve the job, but why do I set myself up to not deserve a job?  Was it a mistake, a slip of consciousness, or did I just really set myself up to fail?

Feeling like I don't deserve something is the answer my gut tells me.  I tell myself, well, I'll just apply for this barely-over-minimum wage job because I need to finish this task over here first.  But the truth is, I don't do better because I tell myself deep-down that I don't deserve better.

I'm getting too old to have these kinds of thoughts.  I need to get the hell over it.  I do deserve a decent wage and a decent job and self-respect.  Because I exist.